Postmodernity: We are all toxic and use Tinder.

By the time I started writing this post (from my HUAWEI P20 lite), the title was not clear, but if I wanted to talk about it for a long time, I ended up giving it shape, just after a pleasant conversation with one of my matches from Tinder on WhatsApp, always millennial, never “unmillennial”. It works like that doesn't it? After a while of conversation with many matches as you decide who to give your number and who to cross.

Now that I think about it, all my blogs have a protagonist. That is, someone who triggers, but we really are all the protagonists. #weareallshinji

Well, it turns out that it all started because I didn't have a fucking idea of ​​how to talk to him, he had already given me his number, but it's not easy to have a smooth conversation because I answer every 2 days. So randomly I told him that I was watching a movie, it was short, just over an hour and I told him to watch it.

The girl looked at the shot and then she said it was very tragic, to which I claimed that it was rather encouraging and we entered into an existential conversation of those that tastes better after 3 beers somewhere pleasant, with the background music perfect, and preferably at night. But no, it was for WhatsApp, it is what it is, and I will not put the pandemic as an excuse because maybe without a pandemic that conversation happened first there than in person.

I admit that on several occasions I almost gave up talking to her, she is the type of elusive person, reserved, cold, and even cutting. Of those people who have to be groomed so that little by little they show more emotions, talk more, make jokes, make emotional ties and basically stop being an apathetic, calculating and indifferent robot before everything one says. Yes, those types of people intrigue me. They are usually interesting. But they involve a lot of effort ... yes! They involve a lot of effort, and that's what nobody wants to do today ...

 The thing is that at some point in the conversation she mentions: "I am not going to put up with an old toxic woman just because of sorority" "I have a lot of empathy" to which I replied: "lol, we are all toxic, I can disagree with someone from dignity and respect and honestly you don't seem very empathetic to say "... I know, I know, I'm not a seducing guru OK? After a very healthy debate in which I honestly did not expect it, we reached the following conclusion:

"In the postmodern era we are all disposable." Everyone has issues, no one wants to compromise, no one wants to be wrong, everyone wants to be right and if someone does not fit in, they are discarded and that's it. That is why no one strives to establish true links, because they motivate us that it is not necessary if we can replace people. We were unable to connect and so we turned to Tinder. One would believe that Tinder is for sex. But really what you are looking for is company, and we use Tinder's casual sex to fill the void that we have about it. But deep down we all feel alone, we are all toxic. -.

And it was like, boom! I will blog about this. But I'm not going to focus only on Tinder. Because in reality that difficulty of establishing links and striving to maintain them is something that affects all levels of relationships. Including, of course, friendships, relationships, work, etc.

With the excuse that someone is toxic paradoxically we are being toxic ourselves, making blame fall on others before examining ourselves and taking responsibility, we lack that criticalness towards ourselves. We no longer accept people as they are, with their shortcomings and strengths. We simply classify them as toxic or non-toxic based on their opinions and from there we decide whether to retain them or not, locking ourselves in a bubble of reason (which Facebook's algorithm understands very well) without being able to recognize our own flaws and aspects of our own personality that can also be shocking to others

Why deal with a person who thinks differently from me and adapt to the emotional, social and physical needs of others if I can find someone to do it for me? And with that mentality we all left on the strip discarding each other and being more alone than an oyster. (I don't know why another, it was the first thing that occurred to me) ... We were so alone with such a small social circle that we ended up installing the tinder to see if we found the philosopher's stone ... or the one piece xD. There are some wars that are worth fighting, and others that are not, I said earlier in a blog.

I have to fight all those that really lead me to personal evolution and emancipation, not those that unnerve me. If it is a defect that I have to change, I will take it with great courage. But if it is all of me that they want to change, well, sorry with little foxes, I'm leaving here.

I admit that at some point I have also fallen into this discard, I have been discarded, and I have been discarded. The ones that hurt me the most are the discarding of friends. Some helped me to realize the things that I must improve. Although I would have liked it to have been a dialogue and not an aggressive passive attitude, because it took me many months of introspection to find the reason why it happened. (Well, do not run away without confronting what they feel like assholes, do not pretend that people read minds, the other person also has the right to know how she is hurting you and understand the reason why you are leaving).

Well, this "detail" of mine to discard and not want to deal with the needs of others, has made me lose friends, lovers, people I wanted to keep and people who were only passing through. The oral and written expression says a lot about someone's personality, and if the day is brought out the day before, they will know that I am a very direct person. I do not like to fight, but if I speak clearly and be sincere and true to myself. Because on occasions I am not able to be as empathetic as I would like and I recognize it, but I compensate it with a sufficient communication, without second senses, without reading between the lines.

 Well this has also cost me people. Because even when you try to say what you do not like with compassion and love, we are sentient and unstable beings who at some point will take this personally or do not know how to deal with a person who does not agree with everything they say to stay. good. Sorry but I can't, I'm more of the type to accept people as they are and give in a little, because you can't change people. I can be extremely flexible. And in return, I hope reciprocity. Because although we are not all like me, it is the midpoint that I find myself drifting in order to understand others.

Not all people stay, it's true. After all, life puts us in different places that force us to unintentionally distance ourselves, we have to flow.

My friend Josué always tells me the following anecdote, I swear that I did not remember saying it, and it was years ago, so well, I also had my good things in those days: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1aASgjUwDb3JL81AYEKMhaqm5mSDFuNnq/view?usp=drivesdk

I was going to say: who hurt me so much that I began to discard people and even friends, but I already remembered it ... coupled with that, we constantly see on social networks and even content creators emphasize how courageous it is to have the determination to get someone out of your life ... Maybe. If I could turn back time, I would have ended that relationship much earlier, I would have quit that job much earlier ... But even more courage is required to stay ... and that is called emotional intelligence.

 

Mystik.

May 31, 2020.

Somewhere in Guanacaste, Costa Rica.