"You are not trying hard enough": The Fallacy of Self-Help Books.

* It is placed in a not at all comfortable posture, after 12 hours in front of the computer, I would light a cigarette, and I would put on YouTube one of those playlists the Lo-fi so as to "facilitate inspiration", back pain became more unbearable at night, I think. *

 No, I will not justify mediocrity, but neither the “romanticization” of effort. I'm not going to start studying quantum physics at the age of 29 and a few drunks on it and pretend that with a lot of effort and perseverance I can have a career at NASA. * The cushion fits and takes a drag * Take it with tweezers. We all have different types of intelligence, attitudes and skills. One of the main reasons why the educational systems of the most developed countries have been criticized (in this blog we do not say first world, it is Taboo) is that they measure the knowledge and social skills of individuals without taking into account their individual characteristics.

For the same reason that self-help books cannot work the same for all the individuals to whom it is addressed because each one has different abilities and skills. There is no magic recipe for success, or solving your problems. What happens is that there is self-suggestion and also social archetypes and we fall into the temptation to see ourselves reflected in those situations: If this happens to someone else, it is normal, but I have no right to think or feel something that someone else has not expressed First. So, as a punishment for our ineffectiveness is greater physical and mental exhaustion by dedicating time to a certain task, making us feel mediocre, incompetent, and without any talent. "It is that if it has helped 20 million people and it does not work with me, it is that I am not trying hard enough." * Looks up while enjoying the beat for a moment *

Let's not be so hard on ourselves. At some point in our lives we have dedicated time and effort to some project, some course, some wish, some person or some job ... we give our best, and it is more difficult or easier for us than for others. In case of being more difficult, someone will tell us imminently that we are not trying hard enough. What could you do better if you try, something like miracles and Christian goodness works, right? If you are good, God will bless you. It is the same, if you try too hard at some point it will come out, as a reward for your effort and perseverance, not because you really have the ability to do so. Would you say that a fish is slower or faster than a gazelle? Taking into account the environmental and biological differences of each of the animals? When the gravity and ecosystems of each are different? * Finishes his cigarette and now takes a sip of wine *

I was never a good speaker. Nor was I good at speaking in public, although I always wanted to try. Because I thought that in that way someday I would be able to overcome it, I was going to get used to it and it could be one of those people who appear on television animating contest programs or parties. Well, a big mistake. It still gives me social anguish and I prefer low-profile jobs more, with few social interactions and dependencies. However I have improved, yes. Thanks to all the effort and forcing myself to be in situations that take me out of the comfort zone. And although I don't love it, nothing happens if I have to, in fact, I'm even charismatic. But when I was still studying at the university, and I had to expose, and all the exposition forgot about your nerves while you were left as the laughingstock of the generation, the message was: "it is because I don't study enough, you didn't learn your part. enough, is that he did not make an effort, it is not useful for this race ... ".

I did. I did it and I felt mediocre, I felt ashamed of myself, I felt that I had less value than the others for it and that is why they could trample me, they could humiliate me, they could make fun of me. I accepted that place as the place I deserved for not being able to reach others. And I'm still dealing with it. Everyday. It took me a long time to realize it, so cognitive processes have already been solidly implanted in me that have inhibited my self-esteem and personality all this time. I didn't want to be seen; it was too embarrassing that they saw me being mediocre.

Although I recognize the problem it still happens to me. I still go to bed at dawn, straining until I collapse, to do better, although I am never the best of all, so that this effort is recognized by others and have a pat on the back, which validates me as a worthy individual. We continue desperately seeking the approval of others, at least I do. And that conditions our decisions and what we think we want for our lives. It is actually what we believe we can do for social acceptance. We live a life based on others and we do not live the life we ​​would like to have or at least try to have. That. I felt alien to my life. I lived it but had no control over it

I still don't know what to do with my life. But now I'm in a race against the clock. I wasted a lot of time. But I am willing to take risks. I am going to allow myself to be wrong, and I am not going to let the fear of being wrong unnerve me. I died and was born again. Like the Devil's Tarot card. It is time to emancipate ourselves, and not let our natural talents be buried and forgotten. Let them be devalued so that you never have the courage to dare to be. I would have liked to have known about 3 years before (or 10). But hey, the times are perfect. And I think things happen when they should happen. Now I feel more authentic, I like more, and I care more about accepting myself more. And paradoxically, the rest comes from “añadidura”.

So now I focus more on the things that I can control. Every time I find myself saying a sentence in which I make myself look bad, I change for a sentence where it sounds surer to myself. I will do it consciously until my cells learn it, until my body bio-decodes it. Every time I think I'm not going to make it because I'm not good enough, now I don't doubt my abilities. We are good enough, but not in the same things, we are valid, we take the risk, do not self-sabotage yourself with what others have made you believe. Acknowledge yourself, take risks, and stop insisting on things you are not good at, you are not good at that toxic relationship, you are not good at that sport, you are not good at that career, you are not good at that job, and it's okay . It doesn't mean you failed. We must choose the battles that we are going to fight with care and strategy said Tsun-Zu. Do not engage in a battle that you have no chance to win, know your opponent as well as yourself, and victory will be assured. Try everything you can try until you find what develops you. And that's not why you should be ashamed of your steps ... But that is an internal process that only you can discover, no one else can walk that path for you to warn you that there is an embankment ahead...